Sunday, September 07, 2008
sometimes, i hate my parents to the core. and no one ever understands. first of all, they don't even like me. during my lessons in ub, my coursemates say or write about how they are glad they have supportive parents who are always behind them in whatever they do. that's when i start to control not crying in class. mine is the opposite, they are against everything i do, they are against who i am as a person. they can't even accept me the way i am. sometimes i just wish i would just die. you chose to have me and then you can't even love and accept the product you created. you can't even try to make me a happy person. i just can't wait to shift out on my own and be away from them. they think so badly of me and still can say it right out at me. i don't even understand what i did wrong. i'm trying my best and trying so hard to just live and living itself is so hard to even do. sometimes i wish i wasn't born in this family. maybe only my siblings make me think otherwise. in my family, the love between siblings is evidently stronger than the love between parents and children. it's so dysfunctional. and my mom is useless she can't even help me fight for anything she just seems like she's damn scared of my dad. what kind of relationship is that? even my younger bro can stand up for me and keep getting scolded on his own though we were both in it together. it's no wonder my younger bro told me he gave up on this family long time ago it's not even worth his efforts. i don't even know why i'm always trying so hard to make it work to make it functon like a happy one. everything i do i have to fight so hard for it. i have to get so fucking angry i could go mad. and being angry is very unhealthy but they keep making me fume. i have to start banging my tables and wall just to let it all out. i should just bang my head as well. maybe i will lose my memory and become happier. and what my behaviour is very bad i don't even talk to you don't even do anything to you i'm living my own life. who the hell are you to judge who i am?
and actually my love-hate relationship with my mom is better than my almost non existent and only filled with quarrels relationship with my dad. at least there were times i felt really happy chatting with my mom.
love you like a sister;
2:36 pm
